Written by Katy Wicks - Happy Citta Founder
The happiest people I've ever met were not 'in-your-face' happy, or 'life-and-soul-of-the-party' happy. They were peaceful people who have a small village around them. People who eat together, dance and sing together and have the option to retreat back to their homes for a quiet rest if needed (but rarely choose to). You may have guessed it, but these are not people who have subscribed to the Western culture that keeps many of the rest of us hiding away in our homes, making excuses not to mingle because we'd rather the peace of the solitude our overpriced lives afford us.
I'll explain...
The way that Western culture works is largely capitalist, in that social classes exist and wealth and income disparities are quite significant. What we claim to be our assets are often still owned by private individuals or corporations and social or community opportunities are broadly driven by profit motive while wealth inequality is tolerated.
Many people have a job so we can have some money (often not a job we love or feel a sense of respect for, just one that serves the purpose of paying the bills and, if we're lucky, we might enjoy it), so that we can pay for a nice enough home, car and clothes. We can pay to be clean and some pay to be educated, or to mingle in social environments, so that we can show other people and say "Come and be my friend!". "Like me and respect me because I have these things".
To obtain those things we spend a large proportion of our time working. Stressing about making enough money to have all of those things, to make us comfortable in our solitude or to encourage other people to join us in it.
So, we spend most of our time working to afford a life that looks good on paper (or social media), for other people to accept us and no longer have enough time for actually being with those people. We're pushing away the very thing all of this was meant to support.
Community.
And it’s not just a feeling.
Research has been pointing in this direction for years. Studies have shown that loneliness is on the rise across many Western countries, with increasing numbers of people living alone and reporting fewer meaningful social interactions. At the same time, strong social connections have been consistently linked to better mental and physical health, even influencing longevity in ways comparable to well-known risk factors like smoking or inactivity.
So while we’ve been building lives that prioritise independence and financial stability, we may have unintentionally designed out one of the very things that keeps us healthy.
We trade time, energy, and headspace for money and then find ourselves too exhausted to connect with the people we earned it for.
Now the community itself needs to be scheduled in. Diarised. Negotiated.
We've become a culture of very individual people, doing their individual thing. Everyone lives in their building and if they're very lucky and financially wealthy, they have a building all of their own. The live in it either alone or with their one person or their two or three other people. They go out to do the job, so they can bring home the money, to look after their small at-home community, which is separate from the job that they do. The energy is carved as evenly as possible, to try and save enough of it after the time spent earning money, to be able to enjoy the time spent with the people we share that time and money with.
But what a beautiful thing it must be, to leave the grind, to do away with the rat race, to not feel that pressure of doing a sh*t job, for sh*t people, for a sh*t reason. To forget about bringing home money for the things that you and the people you care about want and instead just support yourself and those people with food, a roof over their heads and a loving community. Because if nobody in that community had a fancy building, a fancy vehicle, or fancy clothes, you surely wouldn't feel you needed them either.
So, I catch myself thinking, "What if I just didn’t do this at all?"
What if instead of working a job I don’t care about, for reasons I don’t believe in just to afford a life that keeps me isolated… I lived in a community?
A community where your contribution is your value, your presence matters but it isn't a demand or an expectation, your role shifts depending on what’s needed and there is space and flexibility to interact and socialise when you want to and to tuck away in your own quiet private corner when the moment calls for it.
Where you don’t log on at nine and log off at five. Contributing in peaks and troughs. Being supported when you need it and supporting others when they do. And somehow, that’s enough.
Because I don't want to work the grind. I don't want to do the sh*t job, with the sh*t people, for the sh*t reasons.
Because I don't want to bring home money so that I can be comfortably alone in my house with my pasta meal-for-one.
Because I no longer want to push everyone away so that I can focus on doing my job.
Because I can no longer listen to myself complain that I don't have the time, or the headspace to think about doing my job and managing the people and looking after myself, while finding fulfilling things that are 'just for me' and forcing myself to find and pay for a community of people that can temporarily distract me from that.
But, the job has to pay the mortgage at the very least. So the job has to take priority over all of those other things. And isn't that sad when I'd be so happy with so much less?
Because, if you found the right community and you interacted with the right people and served a purpose for that community... If you don't log on at nine and log off at five...
If you could contribute consistently or inconsistently, in peaks and troughs, to flexibly support the community you are in. And in doing so that's your part in that community.
If as a community you have a home, you have food and you have support systems...
Why on earth would we need those 9-5's anymore?
I don't know if what I want from life looks anything like this Western culture that we're building.
Because while I'm in it, I feel like I'm supposed to want the house. Want the car. Want the nice clothes. So that's what I strive for. But they don't really feel like 'The Thing', you know?
When I don't have any of those things, But I'm in a space with the right people and there's the option to have privacy and interaction, I couldn't be more content. To take part in the cooking, the cleaning, to grow the food, to work together or work apart, you know... Do things that contribute to that community and that is what earns your keep.
Damn. Then I couldn't be happier!
What does that look like? Is it a group of volunteers? A group of people who help themselves, but also help others who are less fortunate. That's something so beautiful.
Does it really exist? Or do I just want to be part of a cult?
I mean, I don't think I'd even bother having friends and family outside of it because, why would you?
I certainly wouldn't need a job because, these people are my job. They become my purpose.
I don't think I want to attach myself to this screen for nine hours a day, to earn the privilege of living in a house alone. When actually, the only reason I'm alone is because I don't think I know anybody else who wants to live this way?
And if I did, I think I would find it hard to know how to be part of that. To create that.
I just, I don't know. What does that look like? Who lives like that at the age of 38? Because living like that, when I was a twenty-something backpacker was a lot easier, but there was always a lot of partying, and I didn't ever want to be part of it, but at least I felt like I could join it or leave it, when I was young and cool. Now, I feel like I'm so old I wouldn't even be invited to the party.
But I don't want the big party anyway. I like the idea of a peaceful life, but I like the idea of an opportunity to move among my people when I want to, without feeling that pressure of having to ask for their time, ask for their company. Just a psychologically safe, communal space that you can exist in, right outside the door to your own privacy.
What is this place? Where is it? How do I find it or create it? If I can't find it and have to start it myself, who do I choose to surround myself with?
And am I describing a cult? Oh, balls.
But if wanting shared meals, open doors, flexible lives, and people who actually know each other is what qualifies, then I think we need to have a serious look at what we’ve normalised instead.
Because right now, the alternative is working all day to afford a life that keeps us separate from one another… And calling that success.
I’m not sure which one sounds stranger anymore.
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