What is Compassion Focussed Therapy (CFT) And How Can I Use It?

Compassion-Focused Therapy as a Tool for Inner Pressure, Self-Criticism and Emotional Strain

As a recap, I am a therapist and counsellor who has trained in some (and researched many) different therapeutic techniques, in order to help myself and others. Over the past few months I have been getting busier and under greater pressure and have struggled to keep myself from a rising anxiety, frustration and irritability, which has come to the surface in many of my interactions with others and, has affected my sense of calm, confidence and started to feel like it might now affect my relationships.

The decision I took about that has been to self-administer a series of 6 therapeutic techniques over a 6-week period, each designed to tackle a different element of my current issue.

Week one was Compassion-Focused Therapy.

What is Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)?

Compassion-Focused Therapy was developed by psychologist Paul Gilbert and is rooted in evolutionary psychology, attachment theory, and neuroscience.

At its core, CFT recognises that many emotional difficulties are not caused by weakness, lack of insight, or poor coping skills, but by a chronically activated threat system.

When we’re under prolonged pressure, our nervous system becomes geared towards scanning for mistakes or risks, self-protection, vigilance and even using self-criticism as a motivator.

This is especially common in people who are conscientious, responsible, or high-achieving — those who care deeply about doing things well and not letting others down.

CFT works by helping people to recognise when their threat system is dominant and reduce internal self-attack. It helps them to cultivate a steadier, more supportive internal tone and respond to difficulty without escalating it further.

Importantly, compassion in CFT is not indulgence. It is not about lowering standards, avoiding responsibility, or “letting things slide”.

It is about changing how pressure is carried, so it doesn’t turn into shame, burnout, or emotional reactivity.

Why self-criticism often makes things worse

Many people hear their inner critic and believe that motivating voice is what keeps them functioning — and in the short term, that can feel true. Self-criticism can create urgency, drive, and compliance. But over time, it keeps the nervous system in a state of threat, which actually reduces clarity, creativity, and emotional regulation.

When the internal voice becomes harsh or unforgiving, people often notice a few things:

• increased irritability

• emotional shutdown or overwhelm

• difficulty resting without guilt

• a sense that they are “not doing enough”

CFT helps interrupt this cycle by introducing a different internal response. One that acknowledges difficulty without adding danger to it.

How can CFT be used in everyday life?

In practice, using CFT doesn’t mean forcing yourself to feel kind or calm.

It often begins with something much simpler, like noticing when your inner tone becomes sharp or demanding, recognising that pressure is present and responding internally with steadiness rather than judgement.

For me, this has meant catching moments where my inner dialogue shifts into “Why can't you just focus?” or “You don’t have time to feel like this” or even some much more harsh and sweary phrases that I'd never repeat to someone else who was trying their best.

It then involves gently replacing that demanding inner monologue with a calmer, adult voice that says something more like “Of course this feels heavy — you’re carrying a lot right now”.

Did it help?

What’s been interesting about this past week of embedding that way of thinking is that this hasn’t made me less responsible or less effective. If anything, it’s reduced the internal noise enough for me to respond more thoughtfully rather than reactively to both myself and others. I actually think I might have cleared my mind just enough to be able to take a more confident ownership of my responses - particularly when my response to a request might need to be "I'm afraid I can't do that right now".

Now who would have thought that something as understated as a few post-it's could have such an impact?

Why CFT has been a helpful starting point

When people are overwhelmed, it’s rarely useful to jump straight into deep values work, big life decisions or existential questions.

If the nervous system is already in survival mode, those conversations can feel destabilising or even paralysing.

CFT creates enough internal safety to make further reflection possible. It’s often used as the groundwork that allows other therapeutic approaches (such as CBT, ACT, or values-based work) to be used more effectively.

That’s why, in my own six-week reflective process, I feel confident at this stage that CFT was the right first step.

And if you want to try it?

Next week, I’ll be exploring how the internal rules we live by can quietly keep us stuck in urgency, and how Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) can help us update those rules so they better fit the lives we’re actually living now.

You can follow this journey of a Therapist self-administering therapy, and sharing the tools to do so, by signing up below: