Embracing Change: The Seasons of Life

This week I was talking to someone fresh out of a long relationship. They were excited about the chance to rediscover the parts of themselves they’d “lost” along the way: Their humour; their joy; their quirks. It’s a familiar theme after breakups, this idea of getting back to who we once were.

It's often the first stop when we're faced with a change that takes us, seemingly, back. Back to being who we were before a person or situation was present for us.

But I'd like to offer a slightly different take, where after a moment of remembering the before (or 'backwards' thinking), the healthiest option isn’t about going back at all. The real opportunity is to become someone new—to find a NEW self all over again.

It’s a thought I’ve circled back to often, especially when speaking with people who began relationships very young. If your partner met you at 19 and you split at 39, there can be a strange temptation to revert back to that teenage self. Suddenly the pubs or nightclubs feel like the only thing we knew before, the only place we can remember from that last time we were 'alone'. Or you pick up the hobbies you had before adult life pulled you in other directions.

The trouble is, we’re not those people anymore and maybe some of the people who were around us at that time are also not on the same path anymore.

And even though that can be scary and daunting to face this next bit differently to who and how we've been before... Maybe that’s the gift.

We Naturally Reinvent Ourselves Anyway!

Psychologists and career experts alike have long noted that people tend to reinvent themselves every 7–10 years. There’s no strict biological clock for it, but research does show our sense of identity shifts with age, life stages, and context.

• Emerging adulthood (late teens–20s) is full of experimentation: we try roles, values, and identities on for size.

• The 30s and 40s are often about consolidating. Building careers, families, commitments. But also about restlessness when those commitments stop fitting.

• Midlife and retirement bring their own reinventions, often more deliberate, sometimes sparked by disruption.

A popular idea called the “10-year rule” suggests that if you don’t shake things up every decade, you risk stagnation. Forbes even advises career pivots every seven years. While not hard science, these frameworks capture something people intuitively feel, despite our fear of it: life runs in seasons, and change is natural.

Case Studies of Reinvention

Case Study A: Mid-Life Women Recreating Identity After Work Transition

Study: Living between the Extremes: A Phenomenological Study of How Mid-Life Women Recreate Their Identity after a Work Transition by Trina R. Hess (2009) ERIC

• Who & When: Three women aged 35-55, not previously married, who underwent a work transition (e.g. leaving a long-term role, changing fields).

• What Changed: Each had to reconstruct what their work meant to them, how it fit into their sense of self. Themes included feeling unease (loss of stability, identity tied to previous job), but also discovering or reaffirming purpose. Some had to negotiate feedback from family/friends (expectations), unlearn older identity scripts (what they “should” do), and create a more integrated sense of self within their new roles.

• Key Findings:

  • The transitions triggered identity tensions: between old professional selves and the new ones.

  • Support (social, internal, through learning) was critical. Self-efficacy (confidence in one's ability) grew over time.

  • Over time, these women didn’t snap back to their old identities; rather, they built a more “whole” self by letting some old roles fade, embracing new ones.

Case Study B: Midlife Women Exiting Domestic Violence

Study: A qualitative study exploring midlife women’s stages of change from domestic violence towards freedom by Keeling, Fisher-Smith & Fisher (UK; age 40-55) ResearchGate

• Who & When: 15 women aged 40-55 in the UK, who had experienced long-term domestic violence and had accessed support services.

• What Changed: These women moved through the stages of change (contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance) more rapidly than younger women do when freeing themselves from abuse. They reported a shift in their perception of the abusive partner, a reclaiming of autonomy, and a realisation, “a day of dawning”, that the relationship could not continue. 

• Key Findings:

  • Because of the duration of the abuse and the toll it had taken over years, there was a strong foundation for change: many felt they had less to lose (e.g. adult children, financial independence or willingness to struggle for it).

  • The identity shifts were profound, moving from compliance, silence, or diminished self-worth toward agency, clarity, and self-respect. Many spoke of “enough is enough.”

  • In many cases, the reinvention wasn’t only escaping abuse but reclaiming roles or parts of self that had been suppressed, such as social connections, voice, safety and decision-making independence.

Case Study C: Late Midlife — Narrative Self-Transcendence

Study: “Late midlife is a time of less regret and increased acceptance” by Hollen Reischer, University at Buffalo (2025) University at Buffalo

• Who & When: 163 participants interviewed three times over 8 years as they aged from 56 to 65.

• What Changed: The study examined their life stories (narratives) to see how they talk about their lives, including regrets, self-acceptance, and growth. What emerged was that many people in that age bracket begin to interpret their life stories in ways that emphasise meaning, contribution, acceptance, and connection beyond themselves - what the researchers call narrative self-transcendence. 

• Key Findings:

  • As people move into late midlife, they tend to have fewer regrets not because nothing bad happened, but because they accept what has happened and see how each piece contributes to who they are now.

  • They often shift from striving (what I want next, what’s missing) toward integrating (what is already there, what I can reconcile) and connection (how my story interacts with others, society, values).

  • This change in narrative framing is associated with greater psychological wellbeing (i.e. more optimism, better coping, less regret).

Putting these together, here are what these real examples tell us:

• Reinvention is more than “getting back”; it’s building forward with what you have become.

• Change often requires a catalyst (work change, long duration of unsatisfactory relationship, aging, gap between what one’s life and identity promised vs what’s real).

• Social context, support and feedback matter too. These case studies show that identity doesn’t shift in isolation.

• Time matters. Often, people report transformation over years. Not instant, but evident progression if we allow space.

Evidence-Based Ways to Rediscover Yourself After Change

When a breakup, job loss, or other life transition hits, it can feel disorienting. Who am I without this role? Without this person? Research on identity change and post-traumatic growth points to a few practices that can help:

• Reframe your story – Journaling or therapy that frames the relationship not just as loss but as a chapter with lessons can prevent you clinging to the “old self.”

• Explore something new – Behavioural activation studies show that trying new activities sparks the brain’s learning systems and builds confidence. Embrace your innate curiosity.

• Clarify your values – Tools like a values wheel can highlight what matters to you now, not when you were 19. This makes reinvention authentic.

• Plant new social seeds – Studies consistently find that building fresh networks and connections predicts greater wellbeing than trying to return to the old crowd.

Instead of asking “Who was I before?”, try “Who am I becoming now?”

Tools to Support a Fresh Self

Here are some simple practices you can try (or journal with) when standing at a turning point:

• The Decade Check-In: Write three lists: Who I was then, Who I am now, Who I want to be next. Notice the shifts.

• Identity Map: Draw bubbles of your roles (friend, leader, artist, learner). Which need more attention? Which no longer fit?

• Letter from your Future Self: Write as if you’re five years older, looking back with gratitude. Where did you grow?

• Micro-Reinvention: Pick one action per week that reflects your “next self”: a different outfit, a new social group, a skill you’ve been curious about. Small steps.

• Seasonal Metaphor: Ask yourself: “Am I in autumn, winter, spring, or summer? What’s dying off? What’s sprouting?” Aligning your energy to natural cycles makes reinvention gentler.

Closing Thoughts

Life isn’t about reclaiming the “old me” we lost somewhere along the way. Nor is it about throwing everything out and starting over from scratch. It’s about honouring the season we’re in, letting go of what no longer fits, and being brave enough to grow into someone new. But it's also important to sit with it for a while and try not to fill the spaces with noise - it could be too easy to allow other people to shape us when we're feeling vulnerable, so it's really important to sit in your quiet moments, and try to recognise what you feel and what calls to you when no one is around to influence you. It will lead to a more authentic self in the long-run.

Maybe the real magic of life’s seasons is that we’re not meant to be one fixed version of ourselves forever. We’re meant to keep becoming. Don’t just rediscover yourself - recreate yourself, again and again, and do it with love.

If you'd like support with any of the tools or techniques above, or even just for a chat, you can contact Happy Citta at any time with the button below: