ADHD, Autism, or Just Me?

Understanding Adult Traits Beyond the Labels...

Sometimes, I catch myself wondering: am I quirky, weird, rude, confused? Or are these signs of something bigger?

In adulthood, I’ve noticed traits that look suspiciously like ADHD or autism, even though I’ve never had a diagnosis. I know I’m not alone. More and more adults are questioning whether the way their minds work fits into these neurodivergent frameworks. But what does it really mean to “have traits” without meeting the full diagnosis? And can these even appear later in life, or is something else going on?

What Do ADHD and Autism Really Mean?

When we talk about ADHD or autism, it’s easy to slip into thinking of them as “illnesses” you either have or don’t have. In truth, neither is an illness in the traditional sense, they are what professionals call neurodevelopmental conditions. That means they’re differences in the way the brain is wired and has developed, usually present from childhood, rather than something you “catch” later in life.

Both ADHD and autism exist on a spectrum. That spectrum doesn’t mean a line from “mild” to “severe”, it’s more like a kaleidoscope of traits that can combine in countless ways. For one person, ADHD might look like restlessness and difficulty staying on task, while for another it might show up more as daydreaming and losing track of time. Similarly, autism can range from needing significant support with daily life, to being highly independent but sensitive to social or sensory overload.

The official diagnoses are based on specific criteria. Persistent patterns that cause a person significant impairment in everyday life. That’s what separates a “trait” from a “diagnosis” - you can have quirks or tendencies that overlap with ADHD or autism, but unless they’re consistent and disruptive enough, they don’t meet the threshold for a clinical label.

Traits vs Diagnosis

Many of us can relate to traits without ever having the full diagnosis. Do you find yourself getting “hyper-focused” on something you love? That can be an ADHD trait. Do you prefer routines and dislike sudden changes? That can resemble an autistic trait.

But on their own, these don’t automatically mean you have ADHD or autism.

Psychologists often describe this as spectrum vs threshold. Think of it like a mixing desk in a music studio. Lots of people might have one or two sliders turned up a little - maybe a bit more distractibility, or stronger need for structure. But for a diagnosis, several sliders need to be turned up high enough, across different areas of life, and importantly those settings make life noticeably harder.

This can be reassuring. It means noticing traits in yourself doesn’t automatically require a label or medication. Sometimes these are simply part of your personality. Other times, they’re coping strategies you’ve developed in response to stress or your environment. And for some, they are genuine signs of an underlying neurodivergent condition that has always been there, just never formally recognised.

Do Traits Develop in Adulthood?

This is a common question and one that often confuses people who start noticing patterns later in life. The research suggests that ADHD and autism don’t develop in adulthood. They are present from childhood, even if subtle. But what often happens is that they become more visible when life changes.

Here are some common reasons:

• Increased demands: School or early jobs might have been structured enough to “contain” certain difficulties. In adulthood juggling work, bills, relationships, parenting... The cracks can show.

• Burnout or trauma: Long-term stress, illness, or trauma can make it harder to manage executive functioning (the set of mental skills we use to plan, stay organised, manage time, remember details, and regulate our emotions). This can reveal traits that feel new, but have always been there in the background.

• Self-awareness grows: With increased public awareness, many adults are only now recognising themselves in the stories and research about ADHD or autism. What was once written off as “being quirky” or “just me” now clicks into place with a name.

• Masking wears thin: Many people, especially women, become skilled at hiding traits to “fit in.” Over time, or under stress, those masks can slip. What once felt like coping now feels like struggling.

Masking vs Authenticity: The Hidden Strain

Masking is when someone hides their natural behaviours or adapts to match social expectations. For example: forcing eye contact, rehearsing conversations in advance, copying others’ body language, or suppressing stimming behaviours. Studies show that the brain itself has always worked this way, the underlying neurodivergence doesn’t switch on later - but masking can keep it less visible from the outside world.

The question is, does masking help or harm in the long run?

• Short term: Masking can reduce bullying, discrimination, or social exclusion. It allows people to “pass” in environments that may not be neurodiversity-friendly.

• Long term: Research suggests heavy, prolonged masking is linked with exhaustion, burnout, anxiety, depression, and even higher suicide risk in autistic adults. The gap between “how I feel inside” and “how I present outside” can create a painful disconnection.

In contrast, being able to live more in line with one’s inner reality, with supportive environments and understanding people, is often linked with better wellbeing, stronger self-esteem, and healthier relationships. So it’s not the traits themselves that necessarily cause harm, but the pressure to hide them.

The Role of Life Events and Experiences

Life has a way of shining a light on things we thought we had under control. For some, big changes or stressful events act like magnifiers, making traits suddenly harder to ignore.

• Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs): Trauma in early life can create coping strategies that look like neurodivergent traits, or it can amplify the challenges of someone who already has them.

• Adult stressors: Juggling high-pressure jobs, parenting, financial pressures, or caring responsibilities can push the brain’s executive functions to their limits. What once felt like a “quirk” might now feel like a daily obstacle.

• Burnout cycles: Adults who constantly mask or overcompensate can hit breaking points where their systems simply stop coping. These burnout phases often prompt people to reflect: “Is this actually ADHD or autism that I’ve been managing all along?”

So while life events don’t cause ADHD or autism to appear from nowhere, they can change the visibility and impact of traits, and sometimes even blur the lines with trauma responses.

The Pandemic Factor

COVID-19 was like a global stress test for our nervous systems. Routines shattered, social contact shrank, and the lines between home and work blurred into a haze of Zoom calls and isolation. For many, this made traits far more noticeable.

• Disrupted structure: Without the daily scaffolding of commuting, timetables, or office rhythms, executive functioning difficulties became glaring.

• Sensory overload or deprivation: Some people struggled with the sensory chaos of home schooling, others with the quiet void of isolation. Both experiences highlighted sensitivities linked to ADHD and autism.

• Anxiety on the rise: Studies show pandemic anxiety rates shot up, and anxiety can mimic or exacerbate neurodivergent traits, making concentration, social interaction, and emotional regulation more difficult.

But for some of us, lockdown felt like the opposite: a relief. Personally, I enjoyed the stillness and the freedom to live in my own bubble. The pressure to be “socially on” all the time vanished, and for a while it felt like an excuse to finally live life on my own terms. Wasn't it great to finally have space in a supermarket queue, without the person behind you breathing directly into your hair?

I know I wasn’t alone in this. Research has shown that many autistic adults reported improvements in wellbeing during lockdown, largely because the demands of constant socialising and masking were lifted.

Several studies of autistic adults reported that the reduction in commuting and sensory overwhelm, along with having more time for self-care, made life calmer, even comforting (Crane et al., 2023). Some enjoyed better sleep patterns too, falling asleep quicker, sleeping longer, and waking more rested (Dellapiazza et al., 2021). For others, stepping into nature provided a much-needed buffer from indoor overwhelm (Preece et al., 2023). For those with ADHD, the flexibility during lockdown created space to thrive — and in some cases, adults even discovered they had ADHD for the first time during that pause (Behrmann et al., 2023; Lewis, 2021).

The challenge, however, came afterwards. Returning to the so-called “new normal” was, for many, more stressful than the pandemic itself. After months of reduced demands and greater authenticity, re-entering busy, unpredictable, and socially complex environments reignited traits that had felt dormant. In some cases, this created a confusing mix of gratitude for the pause, and anxiety about the restart.

What Does It All Mean?

So, can you suddenly “develop” ADHD or autism as an adult? The evidence says no, these are lifelong neurotypes. But you can become more aware of traits later in life, especially when stress, life events, or social changes peel back the layers of coping and masking.

It’s tempting to think we’re all “on the spectrum” somewhere — and in truth, many people show some traits of ADHD or autism without ever meeting criteria for a diagnosis.

Studies on the broader autism phenotype (BAP) suggest that around 10–20% of the general population may display mild autistic traits, while about 3–5% of adults are estimated to meet criteria for ADHD. But this doesn’t mean everyone is neurodivergent, the difference lies in whether traits are consistent, lifelong, and create enough impact to warrant a diagnosis.

For some, that awareness leads to a diagnosis and with it, access to understanding, community, and support. For others, simply recognising traits is enough to validate their experiences and adjust their self-care.

Either way, the key is compassion: recognising that our minds are not faulty machines, but different operating systems, each with strengths and challenges.

Happy Citta Reflection

I believe curiosity about ourselves is a form of care. Whether you identify with a diagnosis, notice traits, or just want to understand your quirks, the important thing is not the label but the awareness. By noticing the way your brain works (and allowing it to be) you create the possibility of living with more ease.

So, if you’ve ever found yourself wondering “ADHD, autism, or just me?”, know this: your mind doesn’t need to be fixed to be worthy. It only needs your understanding.